Historically, African American women have had a rich legacy of being strong, energetic, enterprising and self-reliant women who were able to overcome obstacles and develop great courage and determination. However, African American women’s confidence at times have been shaken due to the messages that society continually places upon them which further lowers their self-esteem.
African American Women Viewed as Unworthy
As seen in Harpalani's article “Black Women's Attitudes towards Interracial Relationships - A Different Perspective,” Black women were once again devalued in society due to black men subscribing to the "White ideal of beauty." (1998) Many black men were found to show a bias towards lighter skinned women. It has been common for black men to prefer someone of the lighter persuasion or the "Halle Berry" type therefore further perpetuating the belief that black women are not worthy.
In Yancey's article “Black-White differences in the use of personal advertisements for individuals seeking interracial relationships” (1997), the belief that white women were the key to climbing up the social ladder was further perpetuated as black men continually chose non-black females to be their partners. In his theory titled "hypogamy," Yancey theorizes that the races are like a caste system with African American women being down below and white women being at the top, even before black men. If black men were to attain a higher level, they had to offer things to the white women in order to be found acceptable and attractive. Even though all of this is theory stood alone, many African American women have held onto this belief and society's endless messages of beauty.
Accepting Who You Are
In the chapter titled, "Learning Self-Acceptance" in his book How to Raise Your Self-Esteem, Dr. Nathaniel Branden (1987) identified concepts that are prevalent in rational-emotive behavior therapy, which entails transforming irrational thoughts into rational ones. He begins by stating that if you look in a mirror, you may not like the person you see. For instance, when a person looks in the mirror, she may notice the scars on her legs and back, her short hair, her pudgy thighs and see signs of her age. These are aspects of her physical appearance that she cannot change and sometimes causes her to have lower self-esteem.
Dr. Branden believes that the internal critic that tells you to flee from yourself should instead say "Whatever my defects or imperfections are, I accept myself unreservedly and completely." Dr. Branden suggested doing some breathing exercises to help stay focus and to fully experience the meaning of the words. In other words, although you cannot change these imperfections, rational thinking is to accept who you are. It doesn't mean that you have to like it or wish for improvements but surrender to awareness. In relation to self-esteem, he explains by accepting yourself as you are, you will grow in self-confidence and self-respect. (Branden, 1987)
A positive, optimistic attitude can help develop better self-esteem. (McKay and Fanning, 1987) Instead of saying, "Hey, I am a loser," according to Dr. Branden, one should focus on the words, "Hey, I'm human." Maintaining a positive attitude on top of a healthy lifestyle are methods that will ensure the development of good self-esteem. A person should recognize that her body is her own, no matter what size, shape or color it is, retrain her inner critic by giving compliments and focus on the positive aspects. Indeed to improve self-esteem, a person has to see self as a precious and worthy individual.
Using the power of prayer and religion, indicative factors within the African American culture, Rev. Arly Pryor (2003) wrote these words specifically to African American women to help increase their self-esteem:
- "Believe in yourself;
- "Let go of past hurts and forgive others;
- "Love and accept yourself unconditionally;
- "Believe in your dreams and persist to make your dreams become reality;
- "Plan and set attainable goals;
- "Meditate and spend a few quiet moments by yourself each day;
- "Visualize: see yourself achieving and prospering in life;
- "Talk to yourself each day: internalize positive affirmations that help you believe in yourself;
- "Exercise at least three days each week; and
- "Pray daily."
Practicing these behaviors will help a woman to see that she is worthy and does not have to be those images projected on television. Once again, accepting yourself as you are, changing your belief system and ridding yourself of self-doubts will indeed place you on the road to developing better self-esteem.
Sources:
Branden, Dr. Nathaniel (1987). How to Raise Your Self-Esteem. New York, NY: Bantam Books.
Harpalani, V. (1998) "Black Women's Attitudes Towards Interracial Relationships - A Different Perspective." (Retrieved on 12/13/2010).
McKay, Matthew and Fanning, Patrick. (1987) Self-Esteem. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications
Pryor, Rev. Arly. (2003) Improving Your Self-Esteem. Black Women's Health. (Retrieved on 12/12/2010)
Yancey, G.A. & Yancey, S.W. (1997) Black-White differences in the use of personal advertisements for individuals seeking interracial relationships. Journal of Black Studies, 27, 650 - 667
Tasha Kelley - By day, I am employed as a school psychologist who works with and assesses children with special needs. I have been blessed with a ...
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