A child is at the grocery store asking for an assortment of items. The parent politely tells the child “no” as a response to his request. All of a sudden, the child begins pushing the basket, throwing items off of the shelves, screaming and crying because he is frustrated. The child is mad. This is referred to as a temper tantrum. The child is frustrated that his needs are not being met.
Tantrums are difficult for parents to tolerate. They can occur anywhere – at home, in the grocery store, at the mall, etc. It can result in the child crying, screaming, kicking, throwing items or other hostile acts. For the parent, it can be so overwhelming that feelings of helplessness and hopelesness come over you.
It is not limited to a few. All children have them. It can occur at any age – age two, three or even when children are elementary aged. Although the tantrum can take a parent by surprise, it is preventable and manageable. It is important for parents to spot the triggers and to try to thwart this outcome. Here are some parenting suggestions to help prevent a tantrum and to handle a child who is out of control.
Parenting Advice: Spot the tantrum triggers
The four year old may be tired and in need of a nap. The two year old may be hungry and ready to eat. The baby is wet and ready to be changed. These are triggers – the signs that set off the explosive events. It is important for parents to spot the triggers and to try to appease the child. If the child is hungry, give him a bite to eat. If the baby is wet, change his diaper. Identifying the trigger can ward off the tantrum from occurring or make you ready for coping with the temper tantrum.
Parenting Advice: Forewarn the child to prevent a tantrum
Let the child know ahead of time what will happen next. “We will leave the activity in 15 minutes.” Lead the way by letting your child know what is coming next. It will direct your child’s attention to the next event. If applied enough times, the child will soon be able to transition smoothly from one task to the next.
Parenting Advice: Remain calm when kids have a meltdown
The feeling of wanting to pull your hair out is natural. You may want to scream or cry when the tantrum is occurring, especially in a public place. Although the problem child is out of control, it is important for you to be in control.
Take a deep breath, count from 10 to 1 backwards and try to stay calm. Becoming angry and upset will make the event more stressful for you. Direct the child to a private, quiet place to calm down. If you are at the grocery store, it can be taking the child outside until he or she calms down. If you are at home, it can be to a quiet room. Teach your child acceptable ways to handle anger.
Be the loving parent and give the child a hug. Talk to the child regarding what caused the anger flare and teach the child appropriate ways to cope. When the child is of age (child begins to use sentences), language will be used rather than inappropriate behaviors displayed. As the parent, you are providing the child with appropriate strategies to deal with feelings of anger and frustration. Remember, this is a part of child development.
Source:
KidsHealth. “Temper Tantrums” (accessed September 4, 2010).
Tasha Kelley - By day, I am employed as a school psychologist who works with and assesses children with special needs. I have been blessed with a ...
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