16 year-old Matthew came home from an after-school practice furious that his team lost the basketball game. He marched to his house, opened the front door then slammed it back shut. He picked up a book and threw it against the wall while simultaneously furiously yelling. He scurried to his room, turned the music up loudly and fell into his bed. He turned over still upset and began punching the wall. This behavior was typical for Matthew. He had trouble controlling his anger.
Matthew is an extreme case, however there are many teenagers who have difficulty managing their anger. Parents feel frustrated and want to help their teen handle their reactions to this emotion. Here are some helpful ways to help your teen to manage his or her anger.
Teach Them to Look for Signals
Teenagers should learn self-awareness and look for signs that tell them that they are getting out of control. For example, 13 year-old Phillip walks around the middle school courtyard with a red face and clenched fists. Clenched fists, a red face, shortness of breath and feeling tense are physical signals that let you know your anger is getting out of control.
After being given a request, Samantha yelled at her mother that she did not want to complete her chores. Such behavioral signals as yelling and screaming, cursing, physical or verbal aggression, and throwing objects are also signs to look for to let you know that your anger and resulting behavior are unhealthy and causing you to lose control.
It is important for teenagers to identify these warning signals and plan accordingly how to deal with them. To find out what your signals are, when angry write down what the physical symptoms are and which behavioral signs are displayed. This will help you to be more self-aware; that way you can plan how to react when you notice these signs. If a teenager is beginning to see these warning signals, they can take a break, take deep breaths, take a walk or avoid the situation that is causing them to be angry.
Journal Your Feelings
Anger is a natural emotion that everyone experiences. One way to control this emotion is to journal what you are feeling in words or pictures. Teenagers can communicate what they are feeling; what triggered this emotion; what they were thinking during this time; what were some of the behavioral and physical signs; and how they reacted. Journaling is a healthy way of expressing anger and can be done in words or can be drawn using pictures. Journaling your feelings help decrease your anger. Similar to a diary, you can keep this to yourself or share with others.
Find Someone to Talk To
A teen can choose someone that he or she trusts (ie. a friend, an uncle or aunt, a teacher, etc.) and that person can help the teen to calm down. Talking it over with that person can help them come up with better coping strategies and can help melt away angry feelings.
Once you have found that partner, write his or her name down in your journal, that person’s phone number and best time to call him. It’s good to have at least two individuals that you can turn to for support when angered.
Exercise, exercise, exercise
Another good way to release this emotion is to exercise. This can be taking brisk walks, jogging around the block, light aerobic exercises, etc. Besides releasing stress and reducing weight, exercise has been known to relieve feelings of anger. As stated in the article, Anger Management for Teenagers is Often a Family Affair, “Exercise will release endorphins that make us feel more in control of ourselves; as well, exercise gives us more energy and enhances our self-image.” Teenagers must incorporate exercise into their daily regimen to help create happier and healthier individuals.
By helping your teen utilize these methods, he or she will have a better handle on feelings of anger.
Sources:
- Grohol, Dr. John M. Teenage Anger. PsychCentral. 4/4/2004 (Retrieved on 2/23/2011)
- Sportsgeezer. Exercise Shown to Reduce Anger. (Retrieved on 2/23/2011)
- Tora, Bianca. Anger Management for Teenagers is Often a Family Affair. Help Your Child with Anger. (Retrieved on 2/23/2011)
Tasha Kelley - By day, I am employed as a school psychologist who works with and assesses children with special needs. I have been blessed with a ...
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